oh god the rape fog is back!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
