like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
