This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
