Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
