if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
