Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
