Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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