the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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