god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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