his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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