My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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