mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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