Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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