Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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