I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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