Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
