My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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