dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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