Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
