honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
