my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
