The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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