And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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