Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
