Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
