you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
