Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
