Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We got so high we made milksteak
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
