like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize