I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
bring money and cleavage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
