he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
