He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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