i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
