We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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