I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
