Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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