The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
