Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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