Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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