i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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