The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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