Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
