I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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