i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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