Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
