Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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