If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
even my farts smell like vagina
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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