He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
