the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
someone threw a dead crab at me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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