Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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