I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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